Play Pretend With Me
by 13 reasons you suck
Summary: Jake and Leah have a lot in common. But Jake can't seem to figure out if that makes things easier or just more difficult. What's Leah trying to pull anyway? Blackwater. Rated for swearing and kissing :P
1. Chapter 1

_A/N - So, this is __sort of Blackwater pairing, sorta not. Make of it what you will. One shot._

_EDIT: no longer a one-shot. Lol. Now a... potentially multi-chapter fic.  
_

* * *

"PLAY PRETEND WITH ME"

I had my back to her while she dressed. I didn't mind running with Leah so much anymore - she was strangely... comfortable compared to the rest of the pack - but that didn't mean I wanted to see her naked. There were boundaries with Leah I wouldn't have to worry about if she had been a guy. But she wasn't. She was a girl - Sam's girl once upon a time.

"You can turn around now, Jake," she told me, a hint of humor in her voice. "I'm decent."

I rolled my eyes at her. That was the thing between Leah and me - we liked busting each other's chops. Maybe I kind of liked that, too.

Turning around to face her, I was slightly startled to find her standing so close to me. I backpedaled a bit, putting a couple of steps between us. Her eyes glittered in amusement - and something else. The same something else that always shone in Leah's eyes: sadness.

At least, I'm pretty sure that's what it was. It's always hard to tell with Leah.

I cleared my throat and made to push past her. "We should head back."

But I didn't get very far. She always had been the fastest in the pack and before I could take more than a few more steps away from her, she was standing right in front of me, closer than I felt strictly comfortable with. Her lips had been curved into a smile, but it had faded. Now they were somber, parted slightly.

Frowning, I stared at her. What was she doing?

"Leah...?"

I didn't really get the chance to ask, because without warning she launched herself at me, throwing her arms around my neck and dragging her lips across mine. To say I was startled would be the understatement of the century. I was floored.

What. The. Hell.

Her body - lightly clothed as it seemed she always was in a thin tank-top and tiny cotton shorts - was pressed up tightly against mine, and I couldn't deny it: there was attraction.

I should have been paying attention, with the head on my shoulders, but I wasn't. She felt too good pressed against me, her tongue running along my lower lip, her fingers digging into my scalp.

She had never been a slouch, I conceded. Leah was pretty, possibly even beautiful, beneath all that exterior hostility that made you think she was going to rip your eyes out and play marbles with them. She was tall for a girl - just an inch or so over six foot - with lean muscle everywhere. No wonder she was so fast. Her skin was a deep golden brown, smooth and virtually flawless. The swell of her chest and curve of her hips made her feminine, while the length of her hair - short by necessity - gave her a bit of an edge.

I'd never really taken the time to examine Leah's female qualities - never wanted to, for reasons ranging from the constant beating I would get from her to the fact that Bella was all that I wanted.

Bella.

And that would be the driving force that got me to push Leah off. I didn't want her; I wanted _Bella_. And she would just never be Bella. No one would.

"What the hell, Leah?!" I demanded, coming back to myself and putting some much needed distance between us.

I saw her eyes flash with something akin to hurt, but it was quickly replaced with the familiar sardonic look that usually accompanied a none too friendly insult.

"What?" She questioned, a smirk on her lips.

_Swollen, soft, moist—_

"Like you didn't enjoy it?"

There was a big part of me that was angry as hell with her right then. Was she _trying_ to make my life more awkward and difficult? Was this some sort of game to her? Her newest brand of torture for the rest of us poor schmucks who just happen to have the unfortunate genetic trait that meant we could turn into wolves at will?

My eyes narrowed. "Leah..." I warned, but I could already tell she wasn't listening.

"I want you Jake."

And that probably floored me more than anything else that had just happened in the last few moments. I held up my hands suddenly in a "whoa, back up" motion, while doing just that myself: backing up. Away from Leah. Not that it was doing much good as she seemed to be following me.

"Hold on, no, Leah, wait, seriously."

She wasn't listening.

"Leah, stop." And I stopped moving back. And she stopped moving forward. We stood there together in the middle of the woods. She had just tried to kiss me - pretty successfully, if I was willing to admit it - and now she had this look in her eyes that was either _'I want to take you now on the forest floor'_ or _'I'm going to murder you then bury the body so deep they'll never find it'_. I wasn't sure which I preferred at the moment.

"Why, Jake?" She demanded. "We're perfect for each other."

Perfect? Was she out of her _mind_?! The answer to that was becoming pretty damn obvious and it was none too comforting. "In what world are we perfect for each other?"

She frowned. "This one?"

_Whatever this one is_, I added silently. Shaking my head, I ran a hand through my short hair.

I missed long hair. Bella had liked my long hair. Did Leah miss hers, too? Had Sam liked her hair? Did that make her miss it more or less?

"Leah..."

She was just not interested in letting me say more than her name, was she?

"I want you Jake," she repeated huskily.

Frowning deeply, I shook my head once, firmly. "No," I told her. "You don't."

She looked about ready to rebuttal, but I wasn't interested in hearing it. "I'm not Sam," I told her bluntly. _"I'm not Sam!"_

Her eyes shone and shimmered - tears? anger? hatred? fear? embarrassment? who could tell at this point? - and she swallowed heavily.

"I'm not Sam," I repeated, because it seemed to be the only thing getting through to her. "And that's the only reason you want me: because I'm not, and because maybe I could be."

She wasn't looking at me anymore. Her eyes were downcast and her fists were tight, shaking at her sides. I couldn't tell if she was going to cry or just go wolf and attempt to rip me to shreds. Again, I wasn't sure which was preferred.

"And I'm not Bella, right?" She finally whispered hoarsely.

No, she wasn't Bella, my Bella. She wasn't so tiny that she disappeared in my arms, so pale that we looked like night and day, so timid and shy sometimes that she looked like a deer caught in the headlights. She wasn't everything I wanted that would never want me back.

And for a split second, I almost understood what Leah was trying to do. To get away from Sam, she would spend her time with me. To get away from Bella...

But the second was gone and I knew I could never do that. It didn't matter if Leah was or wasn't physically attractive. If I didn't mind running as a wolf with her. If she understood the sort of heart-ripping pain I was experiencing.

She wasn't Bella, she never would be, and that meant anything that happened with her was betrayal.

"That's why it's so perfect though," she continued, still not looking at me. "You and I... we get it. Sam doesn't love me-" her voice broke, though I could tell she tried to stop it. "-and Bella will never choose you. You'll never have to lie to me, never worry about hurting me. We _fit_." She ended in a whisper and I wonder whom she was trying to convince.

I didn't really know how to respond. What was I supposed to say to that?

"Would it really be so bad to be with me?"

Her question surprised me, and it must have showed in my expression, because she laughed humorlessly at me. Leah had a reputation as being... well, a bitch. There was little other way to describe her. She knew that, knew what we thought of her. It wasn't like we could really hide it from her, although I tried to keep my thoughts from focusing too specifically on anything about her.

So would it really be so bad to be with her? I was tempted to say "no, so long as you don't mind a summer or two in hell" but that seemed unnecessarily cruel at the moment. I'd save it for another day.

"I know... that somewhere deep, _deep_ down inside of you, beneath all that vindictive bitch exterior that maybe there's a decent person in there." She was staring at me now, finally. I frowned at my words. "Maybe _really_ deep down."

She laughed a bit.

"But it's there, and that's the point." I paused, taking a breath. "If we did... this," I gestured between us, the idea making my stomach do weird uncomfortable things. "It would destroy whatever's left of that decent person. And I dunno, I don't think the Pack can handle a full-blown Leah bitch." I grinned at her.

Folding her arms across her chest and setting her hip, she narrowed her eyes at me, supposedly in anger, but I could see the amusement hiding beneath the mask. And it made me realize something: I was right. Leah still did have something in her that wasn't hell-bent on making Sam's life - and ours by extension - miserable.

She flipped a hand through her hair. "You're right. You're not really my type anyway," she conceded, looking at her nails in boredom. "You're too much of a lovesick idiot."

I narrowed my eyes at her. Maybe I had thought too soon. "Yeah, and you're a crazy vindictive bitch," I countered, annoyed.

She merely shrugged her shoulders and together we began to head back, as though we hadn't just kissed in the woods, spilled our guts and admitted that in some weird, twisted, really messed up way that neither of us were particularly fond of, we had a connection.

At least we'd managed to agree it wasn't a romantic one. That was something.

"Leah?"

She _hm'd_ in response.

"I think we should never speak of this," I told her straight out. "Ever."

For once, she didn't argue or give me some smart-ass comment. "Good idea. In fact," she added. "Lets not even _think_ about it."

And I knew exactly what she meant by that.

I was not looking forward to having the pack in on this.

"Lets get the hell out of here," I told her suddenly. "La Push is making us all nuts."

She didn't argue when I started running in the opposite direction, and swiftly she followed behind.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N - Hey, thanks for the reviews! I'm kinda surprised anyone read this, lol. So, originally this was just a one-shot. And then I got playing around with what might happen afterward. So... here it is. A two-shot? Maybe three-shot now?_

* * *

"I BLAME OBSIDIAN EYES"

_"Lets get the hell out of here," Jake told her suddenly. "La Push is making us all nuts."_

--

I didn't argue when Jake suggested a detour from our beloved "home-sweet-home". Nor did I ask where we were going or complain about having to take my speed down a notch to accommodate his slightly slower pace. Unusual for me, in pretty much all respects.

But then, it had been a fairly unusual day.

After all, how often did I really go around kissing Jacob Black on the lips and try to convince him to do... well, whatever it was I had been trying to convince him to do?

So we ran together - not as wolves, for which I was eternally grateful. I wasn't ready to handle being in Jake's head. Seeing him replay what was probably going to become my most embarrassing moment - would he replay it for Sam? would Sam even care? - analyzing every little move I made and word I said.

We stayed somewhat close to the tree line. Mostly out of habit, but also in hopes that we could avoid any company - which ranged from the pack down in La Push to the regular folks over in Forks. The direction he was taking us in was northeastern and I vaguely wondered if he was going to have us walk all the way to Seattle.

Strangely enough, I didn't care if that was the plan. It wasn't like we couldn't make it. It would take some time, but then it was pretty clear that both of us were looking to waste a little of that.

...

We didn't make it all the way to Seattle. Instead we stopped at Port Angeles and quietly walked the dimly lit streets, which was probably a good thing. This trip was hardly on_ Sam's List Of Approved Werewolf Outings_.

I snorted at the idea of his list. It wouldn't be a far stretch for him to have one.

"What?" Jacob asked, glancing over at me.

I had momentarily forgotten I was not walking these streets alone. That's what it was like being around Jake sometimes. If I wasn't the one initiating the conversation, there rarely was conversation, and the only time I initiated it was when I was taking a good shot at him.

Maybe that was what I liked about spending time with Jacob: he was the only wolf who wasn't always in my head.

"Nothing," I replied and he raised his brow skeptically, though he didn't question me further. He shrugged his shoulders and returned his gaze forward. Maybe he thought it was something about that kiss...

I smirked. "Don't worry," I cooed mockingly. "The kiss wasn't _that_ bad."

His eyes snapped back to me, annoyance shining in them. I couldn't help but laugh. Guys were so sensitive.

"Yeah, maybe for _you_," he threw back.

Damn. I should have been expecting that.

The next few moments were spent in silence. We walked along the street, the water to my right, Jacob to my left. It was officially night now, though that didn't make it much darker than it had been earlier. The cloud cover around here pretty much guaranteed a fairly dim day almost every day.

We moved quietly, not blending in quite as well amongst the buildings and concrete as we did in the trees, but that was okay. There weren't a lot of people around and those we did pass spared us only brief inquisitive glances.

I supposed we did look like quite the pair: tall, bigger than most, cropped hair, dark expressions, barely dressed and of course the fact that we were barefoot probably didn't help.

I was still following Jacob's lead, although he was walking pretty aimlessly at the moment. We turned down an alley and maybe he was reconsidering being seen with me out in public like this. I snuck a glance at him. The expression on his face - pensive, strained, agitated and probably a little morose - told me what he was thinking about:

Bella.

Always Bella.

I rolled my eyes. The boy had a one-track mind. Though maybe I wasn't one to talk. Sam was usually at the forefront of all of my thoughts, too. But that I understood. Sam was... well, _Sam_. He was tall and strong, reliable, stoic with an undercurrent of sweet that _I_ hadn't seen in years. At least, not unless he was with Emily.

But Bella? What was _Bella's_ appeal? What could possibly be so special about this girl that she had every boy within a ten-mile radius going gaga over her?

That was a complete mystery to me.

Were I one of the guys - any of the guys - I'd probably have some insight here. I'd probably understand.

But whether I could no longer pop out a baby or not, I was _not_ a guy. So I had to ask.

"I really don't get it," I told him in annoyance, finally saying what I'd been dying to say - what I'm sure he had heard me think on more than one occasion - for far too long now. "What exactly _is_ it about Bella Swan that is so damn inviting?"

He stopped walking and I followed suit, turning to face him, the two of us just standing in the darkened alley.

I was treading on dangerous ground now, I knew. Jake wouldn't take lightly to anyone disagreeing with the almighty grace and power that was obviously Isabella Swan. I managed not to snort at the thought. Grace my tail-wagging ass.

With eyes narrowed and a low growl rumbling in his throat, I almost rethought continuing this line of questioning.

"Maybe it's something along the lines of her not being _psychotic_," he responded darkly.

My own eyes narrowed to match his, and I squared off my shoulders. I might as well have thrown down the gauntlet and issued a challenge - not a smart thing to do with a werewolf like Jacob, but I wasn't in a _smart_ mood. I was in a _'let's pick a fight with the biggest asshole around_' mood. And apparently I thought Jake fit the bill.

"At least I didn't pick a _bloodsucker_ over you," I shot back, deliberately making a low blow.

"At least I wasn't passed off for my _cousin_."

"At least Sam did it because he _imprinted_!"

We were in each other's face now, standing so close I could practically feel his breath on my face. Our voices were loud and angry, his growing darker and lower by the minute, my own not much better.

Jake's large hands shot out suddenly and gripped my upper arms. He slammed me harshly against the back wall, hard enough that the bricks indented slightly and I probably would have cracked a few bones if I hadn't been a damn she-wolf. The breath in my lungs exhaled sharply, and I winced automatically at the impact. Something told me that if the pack didn't hear it in our minds the following day, they would sure as hell be asking where I got the bruises.

Briefly I wondered how long I could torment them with sexual escapades that never really happened.

"Don't talk about things you don't understand, Leah."

I blinked several times at him. Was he seriously trying to tell _me_ that _I_ didn't understand? I huffed a bit, trying not to shout back that I was probably the only one who _did_ understand.

I knew my last jab hit a little too close to home for Jake - but then, so had his. It was true, though. Sam hadn't had a choice - I told myself daily it wasn't me rationalizing; it was truth - but Bella had plenty of choices. Plenty of options. She knew not only what Jake was, but what that bloodsucking boyfriend of hers was, too. She knew the risks of both parties; she knew that the leech had left her; she knew that Jacob had been her faithful lapdog for the last several months unquestioningly. She knew all of that, and _still_ she chose _him_. The leech. The bloodsucker. Our natural enemy. Our fucking reason for being!

Yes, that's right. I hated Edward Cullen probably as much as Jacob and for nearly the same reason.

If he and his damn family had never come to town I would still be with Sam. I was sure of it. It was _all his fault._ And I would _never_ forgive him.

Jake's heavy breathing was in my face, his dark glittering eyes all but obsidian with rage, his body inches from mine... I'll admit; on some level I found Jacob attractive. He may have been younger - a _lot_ younger, I reminded myself, although the difference really was only a few years - he had the body of a man. A very well built man.

That little play in the woods wasn't just me trying to forget about Sam.

_Mostly_, but not entirely.

His hands slid from my arms to land squarely on either side of me.

His face inched closer to mine, his eyes still burning darkly with intensity. Although his grip on me was no more, his hands were still planted firmly on either side of me on the wall, arms effectively boxing me in. In a situation like this, I realized just how much of a disadvantage I really had with Jake. Speed was my strength, but here it did me no good.

I fell back on annoyance to hide the twinge of unease that sparked within me. "What are you doing Jake?" I demanded, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Something stupid," he replied. And before I had the chance to remind him that this wasn't something either of us _really_ wanted, his lips were on mine, insistent and demanding.

The point at which I should have pulled back from whatever was going on between us - alright, something that I admittedly started - had long since passed. I should have protested against this. I didn't. And by now it was pretty damn clear that I wasn't going to.

If we ever made it home tonight, nothing was going to be the same. And I just couldn't make myself care that this was probably going to make things that much worse for the pack - and Jake.

So much for that decent part of me that was supposedly deep, _deep_ down inside.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N - Yay! Reviews, lol. Thanks for reading and sorry for taking so long to get chapter three up. It was kinda the hardest to write so sorry if it sucks. Constructive criticism is appreciated. :)_

* * *

"A PIECE OF PEACE"

_"What are you doing Jake?" Leah demanded, quirking an eyebrow at him._

_"Something stupid," he replied._

--

Did initiating the kiss this time make me as guilty as Leah?

Her hands slid up my chest to wrap around my neck and twist into my short hair.

Did Leah not pushing me off mean that she was lost in the moment or that this was something that should happen?

She pressed her body against mine and I returned the gesture, pushing her tightly between me and the wall. I shouldn't have pushed her so hard before, I conceded. Pieces of the brick and dust were still falling quietly to the ground.

Though it wasn't something I would exactly admit, this wasn't something I knew a lot about. I'd had a grand total of three kisses: two with Bella, which I initiated and ended with a broken hand and a broken heart, then the one with Leah which ended with... well, I wasn't really sure what it had ended with. This maybe.

Point was, I had _no_ idea what I was doing. On the positive side, it looked like Leah knew _exactly_ what she was doing.

Her mouth opened against mine and I felt her tongue wet my lower lip. Without thinking, I followed her lead - for once - and mimicked her mouth. It was a strange feeling - warm, wet, soft, yet kinda pushy, so maybe a lot like Leah herself... if she had just gone swimming - but it wasn't a bad feeling. It was kind of intoxicating actually.

My hands went to her hips, and I found myself pulling at her as though craving more.

I _was_ craving more.

More taste, more smell, more skin, just more. She was so warm and pliant against me, her hands raking along my scalp, barely hard enough for me to feel. Running on something that was either instinct or adrenaline, my mouth broke from hers and began a trail of kisses along her jaw and collar bone.

_Now would be the time to protest, Leah,_ I thought.

She didn't. Instead, I was pretty sure she encouraged me, a soft breath escaping her mouth. I felt her hands moving down along my shouders and back, still a light touch. It was... odd. It seemed where I was insistent, she was relaxed. Where I was impatient, she was patient. Where I was harsh, she was soft.

I couldn't figure out why it was so important that I continue, so important why she didn't stop me. Why this no longer seemed to feel wrong in my head. And why I wasn't trying to make it all _stop_.

At least I knew I could blame it on being a hormonal teenage werewolf boy if it came down to it. Even if I didn't really buy it myself.

We were silent apart from breathing, and I wondered if it was that we were trying to somehow... _hide_ from whoever might be watching, or if we were just worried about breaking this strange spell that had come over us both.

Once upon a time, I didn't place much stock in magic, but due to recent events in my life - hello, werewolf - I was willing to place a small wager on the latter of the two.

When my lips had finally detached from her skin, I looked up at her to meet her eyes.

This was okay, they told me. This was okay.

And I believed her.

...

It was just starting to get light outside. We were home - my home to be exact. Neither of us had heard from the rest of the pack and we were perfectly content with leaving it that way. They'd come get us - well, _me_ and then just happen to find Leah here lying on top of me - if there was something really important going on.

I tried deliberately to not contemplate what that would be. I wasn't ready to think about that right now.

Not when, at this moment, I had a sort of slow sense of peace.

Even if I knew it wouldn't last.

Leah was running her hands slowly through my hair, slightly longer than most of the others', and I was surprised by the gentleness of it. It was almost... tender, and I think that scared me. I didn't want to think of Leah in terms of "tender" and "gentle" and even "sweet". And not just because that was probably the weirdest description of her my mind could conjure, but because then I would have to consider that maybe this wasn't just messing around. And that would lead to problems.

Serious problems.

Like what? I dared myself to answer. Like Sam? He'd probably be _relieved_ that she was... preoccupied with someone else. The pack? Yeah, okay, there would probably be some good teasing there, but after a few well placed threats from both myself and Leah, I doubt there would be too much torture. Relatively speaking. Bella...?

Hm. Bella.

That was it, wasn't it? In the end it was always Bella. That was what I was _really_ worried about; where my _problems_ were going to stem from. I still loved Bella. Didn't that make Leah... betrayal?

"Stop." I heard her say softly to me, her fingers pausing just briefly.

I frowned as the slow pattern of her heart changed to something less sure and solid. "Stop?" I repeated as a question.

"Stop trying to rationalize this," she muttered and I thought I heard a twinge of irritation in her voice. "Stop overthinking this. Stop trying to make this fit into your perfect little world with Bella."

I wanted to be angry and be snippy with her, but I couldn't, because suddenly, the guilt hit me. And strangely enough, it had nothing to do with me thinking this quantified as betrayal to _Bella_. No, I felt guilty about _Leah_. We were lying in my bed together, not exactly post-coital, but not exactly far from, and I was thinking about another girl.

Maybe I did still love Bella. Okay, I _definitely_ still loved Bella. But I was here with Leah right now. And bitchiness aside, she deserved my _mostly_ undivided attention. After all, how would I feel if she were thinking of Sam?

_Pissed off,_ a voice in the back of my head whispered. _Jealous._ I was both surprised and unnerved by the intensity with which the answered.

I'd taken too long to respond, it seemed, and I felt her stiffen. I was pretty sure she was going to get up, but when she tried to move off of me, my arms tightened around her reflexively. She glared at me in annoyance and opened her mouth to spit out something that I was sure would not be considered pleasant or kind.

I cut her off. "You're right," I murmured. Without thinking, I pulled her closer and nuzzled into her hair. "I'm sorry."

She still looked annoyed - Leah always looked annoyed, I decided - but was apparently at least partially mollified, because she didn't try to get up again.

"Stupid lovesick idiot." I heard her mutter.

I just smiled.

--

_A/N - Thoughts?_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N - Yeah, so I guess this is a multi-chapter fic now. XD At least it's something for me to work on while I try to wrangle out my other story lol. Yes, I am updating twice today. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because this has decided it wants to be an actual story now. Anywho, thanks again for the reviews! Muchly appreciated and if you have any suggestions feel free to float them my way (because I don't really know where I'm going with this...)  
_

* * *

"OOPS, MY BAD"

_"Stupid lovesick idiot." He heard her mutter._

_He just smiled._

--

I hadn't seen much of Jake the rest of the day. He had school.

I snorted. I just kept forgetting that he was a _sophomore_. Which wasn't really hard to do. The kid looked all man to me. Okay, mostly man, part wolf and a little bit of impish, occasionally charming boy.

The point was I was dating - well, okay, maybe I wouldn't go so far as to say _dating_, more like _contemplating _the _idiocy _that would be involved with _dating_ Jacob Black - a 16-year-old and that was just not a good idea.

Still, it wasn't like it was Paul or Quil. Jake was different. Jake was... older almost. Maybe it was because of the whole losing his mother thing or becoming a werewolf.

Maybe it was Bella, I added grudgingly.

Whatever it was, it made him seem like that body of his fit the personality inside it. Most of the time. When he wasn't being all gaga make-me-barf-up-my-lunch over Bella Swan. Which I had decided was in no way often enough. It bothered me to no end to have to deal with her in my head all the time.

Even I didn't think about Sam _all_ the time.

I just wanted him to give it a _rest_ already! Just put her away for a minute. Like this morning. It was true, he was thinking about her, I knew that much, but then... then he stopped. (Or maybe he just knew better than to look like he was while I was in the immediate vicinity.) And he pulled me close against him, nuzzling against my hair--

Nuzzling. He goddamned _nuzzled_. Oh yeah, this shit had to stop. Nipped in the bud, because there was no way in hell we were going to be _that_ kind of couple. There would be no nuzzling cuteness or "let's just lay here, watching the sunrise" fluffy crap.

No. I went to Jake to get _away_ from the romance, not dive headlong into it.

Yes. This - whatever it was - was done. So completely, totally, _undeniably _done.

Right after patrol tonight.

...

I'll be the first to admit: I'm pretty damn hard on the guys. Boys. Wolves. Whatever. And the majority of that comes from the fact that Sam was an asshole to me. Yes, he had his reasons that now are abundantly clear to me and I can't _really_ fault him for it - not that it stops me from trying - because he didn't really have a choice blah blah _blah_.

Yeah, because I care.

Probably, I should feel sort of bad for dragging the rest of the pack into my little feud with ex-lover and soon-to-be cousin-in-law. (Does that even work?) Because I guess that's not really fair.

Problem is, I just can't seem to make myself give a shit most of the time.

Because I'm a girl in a men's club. I'm a freak among freaks. I don't even _qualify_ as a girl anymore and _no one wants to talk about that_. So fairness? Not really my top priority. Which was maybe why I was doing something right now that I would probably regret later.

_'You and Jake?!'_

The incredulous tone of Embry's voice wasn't lost due to the fact that it was in his head - and mine.

_'She's messing with us. She's totally messing with us!'_

_'Yeah, that's right Quil, just ramble on delusionally in my head like I'm not even here,'_ I thought at him with a half-snort.

_'I can't believe you and Jake...'_

That would be Seth. Little brother. Love him, hate him, planning on feeding him to the next bloodsucker we happened to run across--

_'Hey! I heard that you know!'_

_'I think that was the point.'_

_'That's cold Leah. Feeding your own brother to a bloodsucker...'  
_

Their voices had started to blend together, not unlike the rapid succession of trees in my path. I didn't really care. They'd heard what I wanted them to, the rest wasn't really of interest to me. I just wanted them to know so that Sam would know. Secondhand, even. Decidedly better, because I had the feeling it would piss him off more. That I was so over him that it wasn't even important enough to tell him face to face - or muzzle to muzzle - that I was entertaining the idea of another guy.

A guy that happened to be Jacob Black. That fact alone would get the veins popping out on his forehead.

_'You really are a vindictive bitch, Leah.'_

I ignored Embry. I'd expected as much from him - mostly because he seemed to be the most protective of Jacob. Yeah, because Jacob needed protecting from the hot older female that was coercing him into making out with her late at night. Besides, it wasn't as though I'd never heard _that_ one before. Hell, _Jake_ had said it to me just the other night.

A collective groan resounded in my head.

_'Can we please NOT ever think about "the other night"?'_

_'Definitely. I mean, I just ate--'_

_'You _always_ just ate--'_

_'I dunno, I want some details...'_

_'Dude, that's my SISTER!'_

I phased back almost as soon as I broke through the trees, a good mile ahead of the others, leaving their voices behind. Our attempts to find a fresh trail of the newest non-Cullen bloodsucker hadn't been very productive and I figured it was good enough to call it quits. I untied the tank top and shorts from my ankle and slipped them on quickly. The others probably wouldn't phase here, heading for a spot closer to their own homes, but I was still less than thrilled with the whole "naked with the boys" thing.

As I began the walk back to my house - Seth normally wouldn't be far behind me, but I got the feeling he might be interested in putting a little space between us at the moment; at least he was smart - it occurred to me what I had just done and I cringed slightly.

Telling them about me and Jake - whatever _'me and Jake_' was at the moment. Wait, hadn't I decided there _was_ no me and Jake after tonight? - may not have been the best of plans. Because while it was true that Sam would get the news, and it would probably greatly piss him off, it was also true that he would get the news at the same time that _Jake _was around.

They were phasing together tonight.

"I should really work on this impulsive streak of mine," I muttered to myself.

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A/N - :)


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N - Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Glad you guys are enjoying. This one... kept getting longer and was kind of random and I'm not sure how I like it. And the titles tend to make sense only to me. :P_

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"I HATE KISMET"

_They [Jake and Sam] were phasing together tonight._

_"I should really work on this impulsive streak of mine," she muttered to herself._

--

I had decided a long time ago that school was the bane of my existence. And no wolfs bane jokes, just bane. As in pain. In my ass. Seriously, who _cared_ at this point if I survived high school when it was hardly a guarantee that I would survive the next patrol?

Not that I was worried about the bloodsucker. No, that was simple enough. A little sniffing, a little growling, a lot of tearing into about fifty-some-odd pieces of sickly sweet, sparkly inhuman stone-like flesh and finish off with a purple smoke bonfire and all was right with the world.

Simple.

No, what I was worried about was the pack. Specifically Sam, but the pack in general really. We were patrolling tonight and with the newest vampire threat lurking along our borders there would be no getting out of it. Which would normally be fine - you know, purple smoke bonfires, etc. - but something had changed last night, or this morning, and it would be... unpleasant once the guys found out.

See, Leah and me were _kind of_ together. Maybe. Sort of. We hadn't really worked out and locked down the specifics of what was going on just yet, but I'm guessing making out with a girl for the better part of the night and ending up with her lying on your chest in your bedroom kind of qualified as "together". More or less.

And that was cool. Ish. Not something I exactly wanted to give the guys a look at like some payperview movie, but it wasn't like it would really be anything they hadn't seen before.

Or shared with me for that matter.

The only thing that had me worried was the fact that it was _Leah_.

I wasn't sure when exactly, but it had at some point pretty much become a unanimous unspoken agreement that Leah was off limits. Whether that was Sam's decree or simply common sense, didn't really matter. Either way, I was about to get a lot of flak from my brothers and I could only hope this wouldn't turn into a jaw-snapping go-for-the-throat show down with Sam.

Because I would kick his ass.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

Impatiently, I tapped my pencil down on the notebook paper in front of me. It was the last class of the day: Math. Whatever idiot had thought it was a good idea to have *Math* as a final period wasn't playing with a full deck, because even if I wasn't antsy and wired, I never managed to concentrate in this class.

A quick glance at the other students confirmed that I wasn't the only one either. Most of the students - kids my age that I hadn't been paying attention to since I got clued in on the "bigger picture" - were doodling in their notebooks or staring out the windows heaving dramatic sighs of longing. Some were sleeping.

I probably should have been sleeping, too, to be honest. I hadn't done any of that the night before and by the time Leah had left it was kind of pointless to try and get any rest. Even if I had tried, it would have been fruitless. I had been wired all day, not falling asleep in even _one_ of my classes.

Embry and Quil were giving me worried looks and Quil had even demanded I stop taking whatever drugs I had scored and hand them over to him. I just rolled my eyes and pretended I was paying attention.

I guess I hadn't realized how much I really slept in class until I wasn't doing it.

Was school _normally_ this long?

When the bell finally rang, I wasn't the only one who rushed, though Quil, Embry and me were definitely the first ones out the door. I could almost feel the "20 Questions, Let's Guess What's Wrong With Jake Edition" coming and it made me move a little quicker than usual. I kept it within _human_ range, but I was definitely going to be mistaken for a track star by anyone who didn't know me.

The quick wave and muttered "later" I gave to my friends probably only made them more curious, but I was _not_ interested in dealing with that aforementioned 20 Questions just then, so I let them ponder. If I was lucky, I probably wouldn't have to confront them about it until tomorrow.

Sam liked to split us up now that we had the numbers.

When I got into the Rabbit - more for show and the fact that I'd put too much time and effort to not use it, than for its actual usefulness anymore - and sped off, it finally occurred to me: where was I in such a hurry to get to?

The last time I'd sped like this had been when Bella--

I shook my head fiercely. Bella was _not_ going to be on my mind today._ Take a break, Jake,_ I told myself and for the love of god wished it hadn't rhymed like that.

I got home and pulled into my makeshift garage in the back. There I sat for several long moments. The strange wired feeling that I'd been having all day had yet to fade, though I knew I should have been tired as hell. Shrugging my large shoulders, I finally got out and headed into the house.

It was probably a good thing, I decided. I could use the energy tonight.

"Dad, I'm home," I called out, letting the door close behind me.

Billy wheeled in from around the kitchen, giving me a strange smile. "I can see that." His tone was friendly enough, nothing to suggest there was something wrong. Except I was getting the impression something _was_ wrong. After all, I liked to think I knew my dad pretty well.

"What's up?" I asked casually, hoping this wasn't going to be something he felt the need to drag out.

Billy shrugged his shoulders, smile still in place, but his eyes flickered to the phone on the wall in the kitchen. "Nothing much." He paused, as though deliberating something with himself. Finally, "Bella called."

And so much for not thinking of her today.

Instantly, I had a million questions: when had she called? During school? Why would she do that? Was something wrong? Was she sick? Was she _not_ sick? Then why was she calling? Had something happened with the bloodsucker? An accident? Had he--?

"Oh." Was all I actually said.

The smile on Billy's face flickered momentarily. "She said to call her back when you got the chance."

I stared at him blankly, resisting the urge to run to the phone that very second - or even to her house in Forks. Instead, I calmly shrugged my shoulders and went to the kitchen, scrounging around for some food. I wasn't hungry.

As I pulled out meat and cheese, tomatoes, lettuce and various other fixings for a sandwich that I probably wouldn't even make much less eat, I waited to hear the sound of my dad leaving. It didn't take long. Within moments, he was wheeling down the hall towards his room.

Probably to give me some privacy.

When I called Bella.

Because we both knew that I would.

As soon as I heard the door down the hall shut, I dropped the mayonnaise and knife on the counter and stalked quickly over to the phone. I was halfway through dialing the number before it even registered that I'd picked up the receiver.

It rang only twice before I heard the sweet, soft voice of Bella on the other end. She sounded so... happy. And it just about killed me to know that that happiness was probably a hundred times brighter than any I'd ever managed to give her.

So much for hard work and determination.

"Bella," I breathed, unintentionally putting the same emotion I always did when I said her name. I couldn't help it.

_"Jake!"_ She sounded excited to hear from me.

I would not smile. This would not make me happy. I was not going to do the hoping thing again...

"Yeah, um," I cleared my throat. "Dad said you called earlier."

During school. When you should have been in class. With your bloodsucking boyfriend. Passing stupid love notes.

_"Yeah, I had to tell someone and you were the first person I thought to call..."_

First person. She had thought to call _me_ first. Before anyone else. Because she was excited. Because she _cared_.

"Oh?" Behold, I am King of Witty Responses.

She paused and it sounded like she was taking a deep breath. _"Well, yeah, see I got my test scores back today and I was so sure I'd do horribly, but I actually did really well, and I figured you would appreciate that since we spent a lot of time studying before and Edward's just good at everything so it didn't even occur to him that I might not have done great and I have the feeling Alice knew my scores before they even got my test in--"_

She was rambling on and on about the test. It took me a moment, but I vaguely remembered her being worried about some aptitude test for college; I had helped her study for a week straight. I remembered the studying perfectly - we were sprawled out on her living room floor or mine, books and papers surrounding us, half-eaten sandwiches on plates, flicked away eraser shavings, chewed down pencils, light conversation tossed back and forth between me throwing test questions at her - but I couldn't even seem to remember what the test was.

After all, it was only important because Bella thought it was important.

_"--even though it's kinda pointless now. I mean, it's not like I even really need the test or the good score, but it's still kind of gratifying to--"_

I was confused. Why did she not need the test score anymore...? I was about to ask her just that, when she dropped me the clue I needed:

_"--and Edward still insists. He's just so determined. 'What's another couple of years?' he says."_

Another couple of years. Another couple of years where she would go to college and live a normal life... live a _human_ life. Another couple of years that she didn't even want to happen.

My chest constricted, a pain twisting around my heart. My hands started shaking and it was all I could do not to crush the phone in my grasp. Swallowing heavily, I struggled to keep my voice even. I didn't know why this was even still bothering me. I'd known for a while now. "Yeah, well, it's good you did well on your test anyway."

I was happy to say my voice sounded steady.

_"Yeah,"_ she responded, though I could tell her enthusiasm had faded a lot. _"Thanks to you."_

Another twist. "Sure, sure."

A pause.

_"Jake?"_

I took a breath. "Yeah?"

_"We're..."_ She trailed off and I wondered if she was going to ask - for what felt like the hundredth time - if we were okay. _"Thanks,"_ she said instead.

I nodded a couple of times before verbally responding. "Anytime."

There was another pause, this one on the awkward side, then there was the sound of a door closing and what was probably Bella shifting the phone. _"Jake, I've got to go."_

Again I nodded, not caring that she couldn't see that.

_"I just wanted to... talk to you. Um, to let you know... about the test and all..."_

I would have laughed at her, fumbling with her words to make it not sound the wrong way. Whichever way was wrong. But I didn't feel like laughing. I felt closer to throwing up. Probably not a good reaction.

_"Anyway... Um, bye?"_

I didn't hear the click of the phone right away and I figured she was waiting for me to respond. I choked out a "later" just before the line disconnected. I wasn't sure if she heard it.

I hung up the phone, feeling the weight of my arm as I did so. It wasn't until that moment, when I could no longer hear Bella's voice - happy, excited, sad, upset, frustrated - that I finally felt the exhaustion seep in. The sleepless night - nights - were catching up to me and I just wanted to fall into a blissfully oblivious haze.

Sleep was good. Sleep was a reprieve. Sleep was a luxury I didn't get much of.

Running a hand through my hair, I shut my eyes and shook my head. With lead feet, I stumbled down the hall to my room. Not even bothering to kick my door closed, I collapsed onto my bed. I was asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow - the mattress actually, because I think I missed the pillow.

I tried not to dream of Bella.

...

I think it was the snickering that woke me up. Though it might have been the rough shaking coming from a large hand on my shoulder.

"Jake, Jake," someone was calling in a semi-loud voice.

More snickering.

"Man, get _up_ already!"

I was conscious enough - I wouldn't kid myself and say _awake_ - to recognize Quil's annoyed voice. I was pretty sure the snickering was Paul. Or maybe Jared. I didn't really care.

"_Mmfphhumble_," I muttered, burying my head into the crook of my elbow.

There was a pause, then some laughing.

"Yeah, okay, because _that_ made sense," Quil said, amused.

I smiled though he couldn't see; I never made much sense when I was half-awake.

"Jacob hasn't really been making a lot of that lately, though," commented whom I now definitely knew was Paul.

What was that supposed to mean? And better question--

I pulled my head up out of my arm to hazily glare at them. "What the hell are you guys doing in my room?"

Quil and Paul exchanged glances. Why was Paul grinning...? Looking back at me, Quil answered. "Dude, you were supposed to be out in the woods like fifteen minutes ago. We came to get you..." Another glance at Paul. "Sam's... not in the best of moods tonight."

Paul snorted, but Quil ribbed him hard to keep him from commenting.

"Embry's with him now until you get there."

I frowned, staring at them. Quil was being dodgy, which was unusual for him - wasn't Embry usually the good cop? - and Paul looked far too pleased about something. And Sam was pissed...

"Shit," I mumbled, wishing I hadn't just had that thought.

Paul's grin widened further and even Quil smirked a bit. "Leah? Seriously?"

I groaned, rolling off my bed. So much for putting this off. I had forgotten that Leah had phased with the others earlier that night. Did I want to know what she had said - thought - to them?

Probably not.

I rubbed my face harshly with my hands, waking myself up. "Alright, Alright," I muttered, shaking out my limbs. "I'm up. You guys can go get some sleep."

"I dunno," Paul replied, looking like he was thinking it over. "It might be worth missing some z's to see you and Sam go at it."

Quil ribbed him again, although it looked for a moment like he was thinking the same thing.

I glared at the pair of them. _"Go."_ And the three of us climbed out my window - them to head home finally, me to patrol. And probably get lectured by Sam. Too bad. I would actually prefer the fight to that.

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_A/N - I know you were all looking forward to the confrontation with Sam. Don't worry, I promise you'll get it! (Either next chapter or the one after, depending on if I switch back to Leah's POV or not.) Let me know what you think. Suggestions are always welcome. :)  
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	6. Chapter 6

_A/N - So, here it is. Finally. Sorry for the long wait you guys! This chapter was being mean. It's still in Jake's POV, because it made more sense to continue from the last chapter than to switch to Leah. Don't worry, it should be her POV next time. Thanks so much for all the reviews! Hope you guys enjoy. :)_

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ENEMY OF MY FRIEND

When I got there, Embry wasn't phased. He was standing awkwardly in the middle of the forest shifting his weight from one foot to the other. When he spotted me, he looked momentarily relieved.

I glanced around, coming to a halt just in front of him. "Where's Sam?"

So much for relief. Embry's eyes darted over his shoulder to the left nervously. "Um, around."

"Okay... And Jared?"

This made him look - if possible - more nervous. "Um, home, I think. Or with, uh, what'shername. Kim."

I arched an eyebrow at him. "And why is Jared not _here_?"

Again, Embry's gaze darted over his shoulder. "Well--"

We heard a low growl come from deeper in the trees and we both glanced towards it. I knew it was Sam and briefly I wondered if he'd found the bloodsucker. Almost immediately, I dismissed the idea. There would be a hell of a lot more than a little growling if Sam had found the leech.

When I refocused on Embry he had a worried look on his face. He shrugged his shoulders apologetically. "He said he wanted to talk to you." Pause. Growl. "Alone."

Oh, so _that's_ how Sam wanted to play it. Fine. I could handle that. _I_ wasn't worried. Sam may have been Alpha and certainly a force to be reckoned with, but he wasn't _crazy_. More than likely this would just be a talking to, a scolding, maybe a little squabble. It probably wouldn't even be as bad as a fight with Paul; and me and Paul never walked away much the worse for wear.

Besides, I could handle myself.

"Oh, okay," I told Embry, nodding to show I understood.

My apparent nonchalance and total lack of concern about the whole thing seemed to be less than comforting to him. Honestly, the boy needed to leave before he gave himself an ulcer. It was only _Sam_.

"Jeez, Embry, I'll be _fine_."

Frowning, and obviously still skeptical, Embry gave a final look over his shoulder before nodding to me. "Right. Just, um, take it easy tonight."

"This morning," I corrected him.

He cracked a smile. Our sleeping habits were screwed. "Whatever."

He darted off into the woods quietly, still not phasing. I wondered if he just didn't want to be in Sam's head. Or mine. I waited until I couldn't hear him anymore before phasing to join Sam.

It was always a weird experience to phase - and not just because I was turning into a large, furry animal. The whole idea of being mentally linked to someone's every thought and feeling was unnerving. Actually experiencing it was sort of nightmarish. Over time, I'd gotten used to it - more or less - but it still tended to freak me out in that first second when I lost what felt like the 'human' part of my mind and was flooded with not just the wolf, but every other wolf in my pack as well. In this case, that would be just Sam.

Which was why I was a little confused when it didn't happen.

I had made the change successfully; I was wolf. That much I knew. But for some weird reason, it seemed like Sam just... wasn't there. He was silent in my mind. I had to actually feel for the connection between us. When I found it, it wasn't so much thought as feeling.

_Angry_ feeling. And lots of it. It was as if he was only wolf.

_'Sam?'_

He didn't answer me.

_'Hel-lo, Sam? Anyone home?'_

There was a physical growl to accompany that angry feeling this time.

If I could have, I would have rolled my eyes. Instead I just huffed out a breath and shook out my fur. This BS was just ridiculous. It wasn't even like he and Leah--

_'Don't talk about things you don't understand.'_

Oh, finally. A freaking _response_.

_'Sorry, didn't realize I wasn't allowed to _think_ things that I don't _understand_.'_

Yeah, because that made sense.

There was a pause and it sounded - or felt - like Sam was trying to collect himself.

_'What exactly is going on between you two?'_

I hadn't meant for the sudden flash of Leah pressed against the brick wall - hands in my hair, lips guiding mine, remembering that I didn't really know what I was doing but _she_ definitely did - to race through my mind. And before I could explain it - wasn't really sure how I was intending to manage that anyway - Sam had launched himself through the trees right at me.

I dodged heavily to the left, just missing the snap of his jaw.

So much for the lecture.

I rounded back to face him quickly, automatically bracing for the next lunge. Which was good, because Sam had already twisted back around, digging his hind legs into the soft earth to use as leverage and throw himself back at me.

_'Sam--'_

But it was becoming clear that we were beyond words. Whatever this thing between me and Leah was, whatever she had explained it as, was pushing Sam over a precarious edge. He rammed me hard in the shoulder, sending me back just a step.

His jaw snapped at my neck, missing by an inch as I pulled down to avoid the attack. I pushed back against him with my shoulder, putting enough space between us again so that I could find a better position - and avoid those teeth. He leapt upwards slightly on his hind legs to allow him to slash at my muzzle with his front paws.

Again, I dodged, but I felt a slight sting that told me his claws had pierced the flesh of my left cheek.

Growling low in my throat, I tightened my jaw, my lips pulling back to reveal sharp white teeth.

I was getting really tired of playing the defensive.

_'Fine. You wanna fight?'_

I didn't want for a response - wasn't really expecting one - before I lunged at him, going on the offense. Grabbing a mouthful of fur at the back of his neck, I yanked him harshly, sending him staggering back. He growled at me and ducked down to ram himself into my chest.

_'Nothing's going on with me and Leah!'_ I tried to explain, but it was a futile effort seeing as how my memories of her seemed to disagree with that statement.

My paw took a swipe at his muzzle, catching his nose.

_'If you hurt her--'_

_'I _won't_.'_

Our attacks stopped abruptly. Not because neither of us was angry anymore - if anything, we were now _both_ seething. I didn't like the idea that _I_ was the one who was going to hurt her - but because we'd both caught a whiff of something more pressing.

Leech.

Reorienting ourselves towards our enemy - both thankful and irritated that it was no longer each other - we darted out into the forest. Sam had composed himself enough to get back into Alpha mode and I grudgingly followed his lead.

We could finish this _discussion_ later.

We followed the trail, fresh, about two miles to the north. It was the same scent we'd caught a couple of days ago and we were anticipating taking care of this little problem tonight. We probably should have gone to find at least one of the others - Jared - but in the state we were in, neither of us wanted more company. And we certainly felt riled up enough to take down a lone leech.

The trees around us thinned slightly and we caught sight of him. He was tall and lanky, pale skin iridescent against the darkness, his blood-red eyes marking him unmistakeably for what he was. We weren't entirely sure of his motives, but we weren't exactly in the position - or the mood - to ask. He was a bloodsucker and that was enough.

We split off, Sam going left, me going right and circled around him. By his sudden statue-like stillness, he'd obviously caught our scent. We'd have to move fast.

_'Now.'_

I launched at him, aiming high, while Sam dived at him low, catching his feet. My teeth clamped down hard at the juncture between neck and shoulder, the bite sounding like a chisel on granite. An inhuman cry escaped his mouth, before I tore through his vocal cords.

We had him slammed harshly into the ground and started ripping. We tore him into as small of pieces as we could manage, nothing but bits of him to be found, and started burying. We would have to come back later to burn what was left.

As my muzzle pushed the last pile of dirt over what had probably been his hand, I heard Sam inside my head.

_'Go home.'_

I was irritated and put off that we weren't going to finish what had started earlier that night.

_'Look, Leah--'_

But I didn't get to finish. Sam had apparently already phased back to human and was headed home. I growled my annoyance.

_'Fine. Jerk.'_

I didn't go home right away. Instead I enjoyed the rarity that was being wolf and _alone_.

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_A/N - Thoughts? Suggestions?_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Yes, miracle of miracles, I am updating lol. It's summer and I haven't done anything in forever – so this'll be nice. Unfortunately, I never got my old computer up and running, so my files are missing still. Including all notes. So they way this story is going to go is not necessarily the way I was originally planning. And if I ever get my other stuff back, I will probably either rewrite it or add an alternate… whatever lol. So, without further adieu, enjoy._

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_GOOD IDEA, BAD IDEA

_Jacob didn't go home right away. Instead he enjoyed the rarity that was being wolf and **alone**._

I hadn't heard from Jacob – and neither had anyone else. There had been gossip galore being whispered amongst the wolves – freakin' _girls_ – but no one had any concrete information. Sam had gone home, running into Paul, Quil and Embry last night. Jacob wasn't in sight and Sam looked… "enraged" was the term I mostly heard. Apparently, the two of them had found the non-Cullen leech and taken care of it. The others would have been more peeved about being excluded were it not for the simmering anger still there on Sam's face.

As they told it, it wasn't because of the leech that Sam was angry.

For a minute, the idea that Jacob had been ripped to shreds by a vengeful Sam wandered through their heads, but then they decided no one would be that upset over _me_ and that Jacob was probably home, sleeping. Because he seemed pretty tired when Quil and Paul went to get him.

Still, there hadn't been any sign of Jacob and when they phased apparently no thoughts indicated that he was running wolf.

So it was a bit unnerving.

And maybe I was a bit… _concerned_.

So I _might_ have decided to take a perfectly normal, innocent walk. That _might_ have had something to do with looking for Jacob.

Or maybe I just wanted some fresh air.

I was deep in the woods by late afternoon and didn't see him. Starting to get a little nervous – boys don't just disappear, after all. _That_ would be too convenient – I shifted. My nose was better and maybe I could sniff him out.

As it turned out, I didn't have to. As soon as I was wolf, I felt Jacob there in my head. Though his thoughts were… strange. More fluid, like images instead of thinking. He was somewhere, sitting by the river's edge, I thought. Running water was in my head, but not outside it. And…

I had been subconsciously heading towards the river to find him, but I stopped abruptly.

Bella was with him.

I almost changed then and there – there were some things I wasn't interested in getting a private viewing for and at the top of that list of things was anything to do with Bella Swan – but then I saw something.

Walking up the river towards them was _me_.

Now, I'm pretty sure I was _not_ coming up on them. And I was even more sure that I was most definitely _not_ human just then.

I almost laughed when I realized it: Jacob was _dreaming_. This… could be interesting.

So ignoring whatever judgment might place me on the side of good, I 'listened' carefully to the dream as it unfolded in Jacob's head.

'_Who is she, Jake?' Bella whispered in a soft, hurt voice._

_She knows Leah, Jake thought to himself, but he answered anyway. 'It's Leah.'_

'_Leah? Why is she here?'_

_Jacob frowned, looking first at Bella – scrutinizing the expression on her face – and then back at Leah._

'_What are you doing, Jacob?' Leah was asking. She wasn't angry, strangely enough, but sounded almost as hurt as Bella. 'Why is she here?'_

_Panicked, Jacob looked back to Bella – he could explain, this wasn't how it looked, who was he explaining to? And there was no reason that Leah should be upset, Bella didn't want him, but… And then, Bella's lips curved into a smile. She was paler than even she should have been._

_Her eyes were red._

_She struck faster than even he could move, her teeth embedded in the flesh of his neck. He made a choking sound and looked over at Leah. Sam was standing beside her. He nodded his head and said to Leah, 'You have to. Then I can love you.'_

_And then Leah was wolf. She was going to kill him. She lunged—_

"WAKE UP!" I yelled at him, pushing at the large russet wolf lying on the forest floor. I didn't want to see any more of his twisted dream – or try to interpret what it meant. I was annoyed and furious and mostly kind of freaked, but the first two emotions were good for covering up that last one.

'_You have to. Then I can love you.'_

It took a moment or two, but the big red wolf that was Jacob stirred. He blinked his eyes at me, then, realizing who I was, stood up and shook out his fur. I wondered if the dream freaked _him_ out as much as it had me.

I took up classic annoyed pose, crossing my arms over my chest and tried to look down at him. Which was unsuccessful now that he was standing. Jacob was a _really_ big wolf. "You missed school," I told him.

He seemed blank for a moment and then I could almost hear him swearing in his head. I think he might have shifted right then and there, but I ahemed to remind him that shifting involved nudity.

Slyly, I thought maybe I shouldn't have reminded him.

Maybe the thought showed on my face, because he glared at me, then turned and trotted into a grouping of trees, presumably to shift. I nearly laughed as I imagined him telling me not to peek.

A minute or so later, he reappeared fully clothed. Or as fully clothed as Jacob Black ever was nowadays. Gone were the days of shirts. And shoes.

"Sleeping in wolf form?" I asked.

He shrugged his large shoulders and muscles rippled beneath dark skin. As I said, he looked all man to me.

"Guess I was just beat."

I debated asking him if that meant Sam had won the presumed scuffle last night, but ultimately decided against it. The dream was still fresh in my mind; I was sure it was still fresh in his, too.

_She was going to kill him._

"Well, the others are spazing –" he didn't need to know I had been out looking for him, "—so you should probably tell mommy dearest that you're fine."

He snorted, obviously picking up on my Embry reference. "Yeah, sure."

We made our way back in silence. I wouldn't ask about the dream. No reason he had to know I had been snooping.

When we reached the tree line it was late in the day and Quil and Embry were walking towards us. Annoyance creeped in once more. Dealing with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb was not what I was hoping for.

"Jake, man, where have you been?" Quil asked, glancing between the two of us. "Or do I want to know?"

Embry ribbed him. "You missed school."

"Yeah, so I've been told." Jacob gave them a sheepish look. "I sorta fell asleep in the woods last night."

"Uh-huh." Quil seemed disinclined to believe him.

Jacob didn't like Quil's tone, I could tell. "What?"

Quil shrugged and said, "Nothing." But he looked at me accusingly all the same. I glared right back, unperturbed. He was a little boy, damnit. I would _not_ feel amoral because of _him_. I would also not remind myself he was Jacob's age.

Jacob narrowed his eyes at the other boy and demanded, "You got something to say, Quil?"

Quil exaggerated thinking about it. "Well, since you seem like you're in such a moronic mood, let me explain to you the finer points of Good Idea, Bad Idea."

I rolled my eyes and had half a mind to grab Jake's arm and drag him off to anywhere that was not infested with stupid boys. Not easily accomplished, but I have many skills. My hand was already reaching out for him before I had the good sense to drop it.

What was I doing?

But not in time. Oh no, Quil and Embry had both witnessed my almost couple-like movement and I could see it in their faces. They were greatly displeased. Neither seemed fond of the sudden… attachment beginning to show between me and Jacob. I wasn't sure if_ I_ was particularly fond of it, and if asked would likely deny it completely.

"_That_," Quil pointed at my now limp arm, "is a Bad Idea. Skipping school, is a Bad Idea—"

I snorted. Like he didn't skip on a regular basis.

"—Sleeping with Leah, is King of all _Bad Ideas_."

"Hey!" I barked at him. "We are _not_ sleeping together!"

Quil rounded on me, though he was obviously still talking to Jacob. "_Leah_ in general, is a Bad Idea! See how this works?"

I was fully prepared to lunge at him and rip his head off, when Jacob stepped in front of me. He was all but shaking with rage – and usually he was so good about that, too.

"Back off, Quil. And mind your own damn business."

Then he reached out, grabbed my wrist and hauled me off, his friends staring after us. Well, that was unexpected.

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_A/N: Forgive mistakes - it's been a while. :)_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: So, I didn't much care for the last chapter, which was really to be expected I think. It's been a long time, and I had such good ideas… but alas. This chapter I like much better. Hopefully you guys will, too. Reviews are happy thoughts, make me fly people. :P_

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* * *

_TINKER TOYS

_"Back off, Quil. And mind your own damn business."_

_Then he reached out, grabbed Leah's wrist and hauled her off, his friends staring after them. Well, that was unexpected._

I was pissed off at Quil for riding me so hard about Leah, I was pissed off at myself for missing school, I was pissed off at Sam for being all fucking territorial, and I was seriously bothered by my dream of Bella and Leah.

Because I might have sort of thought it could happen.

Maybe not the killing me part – or maybe exactly the killing me part in Leah's case – but possibly worse things. Bella was going to become a vampire whether I liked it or not and Leah would drop me in a heart beat if it meant going back to Sam.

Which was disturbing on a number of levels, but at the moment all it was screaming at me was: you have really shitty taste in women.

And apparently that didn't matter, because I would be there if ever Bella needed me – lapdog was Leah's favorite term – and now I was _defending_ Leah. To my _friends_. My _best_ friends.

Disturbing, really.

We walked in silence – it was strange how much silence happened with Leah around – all the way back to my house. I was still dragging her along behind me, but at least we weren't holding hands. Without even thinking about it, we waltzed into my house, gave a passing nod to my dad – who looked only remotely shocked, seeing as how he seemed incapable of ever being shocked about anything – and went into my room, slamming the door behind us.

It's possible I should have mentioned to my dad what was going on with Leah, but he's mister know it all, so maybe I wanted him to have a little shock in his life.

Or it just never occurred to me that he would watch as I dragged an older woman into my room and closed the door.

I stood there for several long minutes just breathing, trying to reign in some of that anger. Finally, annoyed, Leah yanked her arm back and rubbed her wrist. I took a brief moment to wonder if I had held her too hard – sometimes I forget how strong I am now.

"Okay, caveman, you done now?"

Leah had been pissed off since she woke me up in the woods that afternoon. Like _she_ had something to be pissed off about.

"What the hell is your _problem_ today?" I asked hotly.

She looked slightly uncomfortable about something, so the predator in me felt like dragging it out of her. Maybe I was just in a mood.

"What? Did Sam pick a fight with you or something?" I pretended to pause and rethink that. "Oh, wait, no, that was _me_ he decided to try and fucking_ kill_ because he's so goddamned worried that I'm going to hurt poor, innocent little Leah."

It wasn't really fair to take it out on her. It wasn't like she had _told_ Sam to do it, but I couldn't help it. I was angry with her for telling the pack and now being pissed off at me for reasons unknown. But then, she _was_ Leah. It was pretty stupid to assume that things would suddenly… _change_ or something.

Though maybe that was what I had been expecting. Maybe some part of me hoped that this thing with Leah wasn't just about getting back at Sam. Maybe I wanted a girl who was into me – just into _me_.

Sometimes, I have too high of hopes.

For a moment, brief enough that I wondered if I imagined it, she looked repentant. Not a look that suited her really. Then it was gone and she was just angry Leah again.

"Fuck off, Black. It's not like I _told_ Sam to jump you."

Fair enough point, but she looked apologetic for a fleeting millisecond so I jumped on it. "Yeah, right, but you _did_ tell him what was going on."

"Oh, so we're a fucking secret now?" she barked back.

"Well, in a word, YES!" I all but shouted at her. "Last I remember, we'd agreed to _not_ let the pack in on it. And I'm pretty sure Sam's pack, seeing as how he's Alpha and all."

"Right. Fucking Alpha. Mister Bigshot. He who hath the power from on high. Fuck Sam, and fuck you!" She shoved at my chest and it was a combination of surprise and strength that sent me floundering to the bed. "Don't you think there are enough goddamn lies floating around here? Don't you think that maybe I don't want to be your dirty little secret? Ever think it would hurt _my_ fucking feelings?"

Um, actually, no. It had honestly never really occurred to me that she would care. I had the grace to be a little guilty about that.

And giving off the eerie feeling that she could read my mind, she said, "No, of course not. I'm fucking _Leah_. I have no feelings, right? Stupid, bitchy, vindictive Leah. She doesn't matter. She's not a _girl_. She's not worth shit."

I'd have thought she was just being Leah – a little overdramatic and self-pitying – except that I would swear she was practically crying.

It cooled my anger faster than anything ever has. Whatever we were, it wasn't fair to make her this upset. It wasn't fair to do that to her. Not after everything.

So I reached out and grabbed her hand again. She didn't have time to shake me off, because I yanked her down on top of me and instinctively wrapped my arms around her. Now, she really was crying. Hot, angry tears that were flowing all the more rapidly because she didn't want them to. Which of course, made her more pissed off. Which led to her fists trying to pound on my chest – a little awkwardly because of how we were laying and the little leverage she could get with my grip.

I didn't apologize, which would have been the standard thing to do in a situation like this. But Leah never would have accepted it; she isn't like that. Sorry's aren't worth crap to a girl like her, because the only time someone uses them is to shut her up. And I wasn't trying to shut her up – well, not _exactly_. I just wanted her to get it out. Anger, frustration, hurt, betrayal – they eat at you and after a while, it's all you know.

Leah should know more than that.

So I let her wear herself out. She hit me until I bruised, and cried until her eyes were puffy. Her voice was raw and her breathing hiccupped. Then she lay still in my arms.

"I'm nobody's dirty little secret," she whispered hoarsely to my chest.

I nodded in agreement. Whatever happened from now on, she wouldn't be _my_ dirty little secret.

* * *

_A/N: a little short, but I liked the idea of ending it here._


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: I know it's been awhile folks, but I've been busy busy and working on other projects, too. So here's a little chapter to tie you over until I can get to it. Thanks again for the reviews and support you guys! :)_

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GOOD COP, BAD COP

_"I'm nobody's dirty little secret," she whispered hoarsely to his chest._

_He nodded in agreement. Whatever happened from now on, she wouldn't be **his **dirty little secret._

So, I cried in front of him. It's not something I'm proud of, not something I like, and probably not something I will ever admit to anyone. But it happened. And it felt… good. Really good. To get some of it out. To have someone's arms around me while I pounded and raged at them. To lie there and think for one moment it might be okay in the end.

And maybe it was also nice to know this wasn't _the_ end.

I screwed up telling the pack, I really did. Sam picked a fight with Jacob and if anything bad had really happened during it, it would have been my fault. Completely mine. Because I had been trying to rile Sam up, to make him hurt and angry. Maybe I had even wanted him to express some of that anger to Jacob. In a sick way, it made me feel more important to think that there were two guys who wanted me enough to fight over me.

Except that wasn't how it really was.

Sam would never want me like that again, and to Jacob I was just a chance to forget a little of the pain he was dealing with. Or not dealing with.

And that reality had gotten to me, somewhere deep in my gut, it had twisted and knotted, reminding me that these were the messes I got myself into.

But for those minutes I spent yelling and crying in front of _him_, it felt as though maybe someone really cared. And I didn't mind a little care now and again. Still…

"If you ever tell anyone about this," I said, trying to sound dark, but mostly just sounding like I had a frog living in my throat somewhere. "You're dead, Wolf Boy."

Jacob laughed a little, his chest rumbling beneath me. "Like I'd risk the wrath of Leah the Almighty?"

I bristled a bit at the title, but it made me smile all the same.

Several long minutes passed in comfortable silence. I didn't want to move. Right here, I was just content enough to want to stay a bit longer. Maybe it was nice having Jacob around once in a while.

Even if he was a stupid boy.

But as they say, all good things come to an end eventually. There was a knock at the door.

"Is Leah staying for dinner?"

It was Billy's voice filtering in. Jacob visibly stiffened beneath me and I mimicked the reaction.

Stay? For dinner? What was this? Some demented version of Meet the Parents? Which, okay, I'd already met Billy. In fact, I'd known him essentially my entire life and me and Seth had eaten dinner here more than a few times over the years, but this…

Well, this was a little different. This sounded like "hey, son, why don't you bring your girlfriend over?" And however content and comfortable I might have been just moments earlier, I was _not_ Jacob's new sweetheart. There was just too much wrong with that entire idea.

Still… I was somewhat interested to see Jacob's response.

_Say yes,_ part of me whispered, while the other part was saying, _boy, if you are stupid enough to say yes, I will kill you now and sneak you into Emily's meat pies._

Jacob remained silent for a second or two more, then shifted beneath me. "Hang on," he called to his dad. "Do you want to stay?"

The question was directed at me and I was vaguely impressed. Asking was a good way of avoiding both parts of me that were threatening vengeance if he said the wrong thing. It told me he didn't mind if I did, but wouldn't be heartbroken if I didn't.

Not that I'd have really expected him to be, but it was still nice to know.

"Nah," I replied. "I should get home. Seth's probably having impure thoughts about us as it is. Might be a good idea to squash some of them."

He snorted. "Yeah, and plant a few others right?"

I grinned. "I admit nothing."

With a shade of reluctance, I pushed up off of him, his arms restraining me a moment longer than they should have before falling to his sides. I was almost to the window when it occurred to me that since Billy had watched me come in, it was probably a better idea to use the front door. So I turned around and walked down the hall. Jacob didn't follow me. I gave a little wave to his dad and left for home.

…

Quil and Embry – and you have to say their names together like that, because those boys are inseparable and I would love to make some homosexual jokes about it, except that it would piss off Jake, and when did that start mattering to me? – were two of Jacob's best friends. The three of them had grown up in diapers together, throwing mud pies at unsuspecting victims and entering the sad stage of male puberty with a certain understanding between them. They were a team. The three of them. All for one and all that crap.

Though if you asked me – which no one ever did, by the way – it seemed like Quil and Embry were more the duo and Jacob was the extra.

Still, whatever I thought and however the three of them acted, the both of them cared a great deal about Jacob. Granted, Embry seemed to have more of the rep for it, though. He was the mommy whenever Jacob was doing something stupid.

And apparently _I_ was something stupid.

Not that he was doing me.

So I wasn't necessarily surprised to find Embry standing on my porch, looking as though he'd been sucking on lemons and making that face that his mother had always been warning would stick had done just that. He was waiting for me, I was sure, because Seth was running with Jared and Paul at the moment and I highly doubted he was interested in one-on-one time with my mom.

That would just be beyond my capacity to deal with.

"Generally, one would sit and enjoy the scenery on one's _own_ porch, instead of taking up unnecessary space on someone _else's_," I commented in an unfriendly tone as I walked up the steps to join him.

He didn't say anything right away, frown deepening when he turned his eyes on me.

"You need a girlfriend," I told Embry, thoroughly annoyed.

Embry glared at me, which made me feel a little better, and replied, "And _you_ need to stop messing around with Jacob. He's already got enough girl problems."

I snorted, "Yeah, he might have a few less if he dropped Queen of Klutzes."

Embry didn't reply and I had a moment to wonder if he didn't agree with me. Wouldn't that be a kick? Embry siding with me.

"Well, that's not going to happen," he said finally, quietly. "He loves her too much."

Yep, we did agree. At least in part. That boy _definitely_ loves her too much.

"And you love Sam."

Which is where my shoulders – which had been loosening slowly with the realization that Embry wasn't opposed to me so much as he was opposed to the complication I brought to the table – stiffened.

"That's none of your business."

Embry took a moment to choose his next words carefully. Guess he was a smart boy. Comparatively speaking. "No, it's not. And I'm perfectly fine with keeping it that way." He paused and looked away from me, towards the woods. "But have you ever stopped to think what would happen if Jake decided he liked you more than a little?"

I blinked at him several times, blank with that response. No, I could honestly say I hadn't really thought of it. It was nowhere near the forefront of my mind, not even as a whispy, incomplete _inkling_ of a thought.

_What would happen if Jake decided he liked you more than a little._

Trouble. Lots of trouble.

I didn't respond. Didn't like the idea that Embry, Jacob's foster mommy, had any sort of a valid point. If he'd said that I was just toying with Jacob, I could retort. If he just had a problem with _me_, I could retort. If it was _anything else_, I could snort at him and tell him it was none of his business.

But damn it all if that wasn't a perfectly valid argument.

If Jacob… _fell_ for me, it would be bad. For him, mostly. Loving two people at once never worked out for anyone. Sam was proof enough of that. Because… because I had the feeling that, sometimes, maybe, he still loved me. And that Emily was an accident – a happy one that he didn't complain about, but not something he had ever anticipated. If he had the choice… well, it was moot point now, and I doubted he would choose me, but it was still a lingering thought.

Embry waited several minutes for me to say something else, but when I didn't he let out a sigh. "Just make sure this doesn't go somewhere… uncomfortable."

Like it hadn't already.

And then he left, loping quietly off into the woods.

I had all of an hour to mull over the unnerving thoughts brought on from my conversation with Embry before I received another visitor. One far less welcomed – and I hadn't been thrilled to see Embry to begin with.

No rest for the wicked, I decided.

Quil was sauntering over to my house as I watched in annoyance. This would not be good and if that boy decided that he could in any way dictate my life, he was sorely mistaken. I made allowances for Embry; whatever dumb shit he did in the presence of his lesser half (read Quil), he cared for Jacob like a brother. He was just looking out for his family. But Quil? Quil was in my opinion obsolete. A completely unnecessary person, I decided. And a hypocrite if he thought he could lecture me on anything that was happening between myself and a boy.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I leaned coolly against the post by the steps, staring him down before he even got to me. If he wanted to pick a fight, he was going to have to prove he was as tough as he thought he was. To his credit, he only hesitated a split second before continuing to me.

I sighed internally. So much for ending this quickly.

"What do you want Ateara?" I asked in irritation. We would _not_ be dancing around the subject.

He mustered up a decent glare and tried staring me down. Unsuccessfully, of course, but he gave it the ol' college try. And this would equate Quil's college try if he ever got that far.

"I think—" surprising all by itself, "—that you should excuse yourself from little Jakey's life."

I thought about that. What he was suggesting was _erasing_ myself completely from Jacob's life. Which was a completely _retarded_ and _impossible_ thing to do. We were wolves. In the same pack. _In each other's heads._ This wasn't something I could just _erase_. It wasn't even my fucking choice!

Why was I getting all the flak here?

"While I'm impressed that a thought crossed the barren wasteland that is your mind," I started, my voice rough with anger. "It's not a particularly _intelligent_ thought."

His eyes narrowed at me, and I knew I had pissed him off, too.

Good, I thought. 'Bout time someone _else_ was getting pissed off. (Paul not included, 'cause he was more pissed off than even _I_ was.)

"Just because _you're_ all henhouse-mad at Sam doesn't mean the rest of us have to suffer for it," he told me heatedly. It was no secret Quil didn't care for me. Not that any of the boys did, but most of them were smart enough to at least partially conceal their intense, festering hatred. But, oh no, not Quil. He was the dumb one of the group. Not dumber than Paul, but that wasn't saying much. I pretty much equated Paul with a post. That talked. Unfortunately.

"And personally, I think that Jacob should find himself a piece of tail that _isn't_ so messed up that she needs to mess around with some other guy to make herself feel like a chick."

Unnecessary. Un-fucking-necessary. The boy was dead, dead as a goddamn doornail. I didn't even care if Jacob would be upset – the boy was going down.

I was burning with anger when I retorted, "What the hell makes you think Jacob isn't doing the same fucking thing you moron?"

* * *

_A/N: Well now, Quil, Embry, what do you have to say for yourselves?_


End file.
